People

Mentoring : Why you definitely need a Mentor

by

When I started my career, I was very fortunate to have a mentor, I didn’t go out and find one, but was taken under the wing by a very astute leader. I was very fortunate to be on the receiving end of a great mentor and as Tom’s career took off, he always made time to be there and support. The long-term impact of his mentoring really was life and career changing.

In my own situation, the mentor was a Assistant to the Regional Director & I credit for guiding me in my development as a leader, a strategist and a more complete business professional.

He did not instruct me, or provide on-the-spot coaching or training. Instead, he challenged me; he encouraged me to think through issues and approaches with his painfully difficult to answer questions, and he served as a source of wisdom when I needed it the most. While our relationship as mentor and mentee (sometimes identified as: mentoree) ended after I changed companies, his impact carries through in my work today.

Mentoring and Coaching: Similar but Not the Same

The terms mentoring and coaching are often used interchangeably, and that is misleading. While similar in their support of someone’s development, they are very different disciplines in practice.

Mentoring is a long term relationship where the focus is on supporting the growth and development of the mentee. The mentor is a source of wisdom, teaching and support, but not someone who observes and advises on specific actions or behavioral changes in daily work.

Coaching is typically a relationship of finite duration where the focus is on strengthening or eliminating specific behaviors in the here and now. Coaches are engaged to help professionals correct behaviors that detract from their performance or, to strengthen those that support stronger performance around a set of activities.

Both mentoring and coaching are incredibly valuable in providing developmental support, however, one offers high-level guidance for long-term development and the other helps you improve immediately.

History and Definition:

The original Mentor is a character in Homer’s epic poem: The Odyssey. When Odysseus, King of Ithaca went to fight in the Trojan War, he entrusted the care of his kingdom to Mentor. Mentor served as the teacher and overseer of Odysseus’ son, Telemachus.

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines a mentor as “a trusted counselor or guide.” Others expand on that definition by suggesting that a mentor is “someone who is helping you with your career, specific work projects or general life advice out of the goodness of his or her heart.

Why Seek Out a Mentor?

As described earlier, I attribute part of my professional growth to the guidance of a patient mentor. He challenged me to think differently and to open my eyes and mind to different perspectives. While each of us develop at our own pace, it is reasonable to believe that this type of influence is positive for all of us.

A mentor is a personal advocate for you, not so much in the public setting, but rather in your life.

Many organizations recognize the power of effective mentoring and have established programs to help younger professionals identify and gain support from more experienced professional in this format.

What a Mentor Does for You:

A mentor takes a long-range view on your growth and development.
A mentor helps you see the destination but does not give you the detailed map to get there.
A mentor offers encouragement and cheer leading, but not “how to” advice.

What a Mentor Does Not Do for You:

A mentor is not a coach as explained above.
A mentor is typically not an advocate of yours in the organizational environment: the relationship is private.
A mentor is not going to tell you how to do things.
A mentor is not there to support you on trans actional, short-term problems.
A mentor is not a counselor.

Understanding the role of the mentor is a critical starting point for success in this relationship.

Additional requirements include:

Investing your time in seeking out the mentor.
Sharing your goals and fears openly.
Not expecting the mentor to solve your short-term problems or do the work for you.
Not expecting specific advice.
Sharing where you are struggling or failing.
Listening carefully and then researching and applying the mentor’s guidance.
Showing that you value the mentor’s support.
Not abusing the relationship by expecting political support in the organization.
The Bottom Line:

A mentor can be a difference maker in your career and life. It is important to come to the relationship with open eyes on the role and to have proper expectations. And remember, the impact of a mentor’s guidance and wisdom now may not be felt for years to come. However, it will be felt.

Erik Erikson’s Eight Stages of Psychosocial Development

by

Erik Erikson proposed a psychoanalytic theory of psychosocial development comprising eight stages from infancy to adulthood. During each stage, the person experiences a psychosocial crisis which could have a positive or negative outcome for personality development.

Like Freud and Piaget, Erik Erikson was a constructivist who believed that children developed in stages, with the skills acquired at each level acting as building blocks for the next level.

Since he trained under Sigmund Freud’s daughter, Anna, much of Erikson’s theories were based on Freudian principles. However, he believed that his predecessors were too limited in their thinking.

According to Erikson, the ego develops as it successfully resolves crises that are distinctly social in nature. These involve establishing a sense of trust in others, developing a sense of identity in society, and helping the next generation prepare for the future.

Erikson extends on Freudian thoughts by focusing on the adaptive and creative characteristic of the ego, and expanding the notion of the stages of personality development to include the entire lifespan.

Like Freud and many others, Erik Erikson maintained that personality develops in a predetermined order, and builds upon each previous stage. This is called the epigenic principle.

The outcome of this ‘maturation timetable’ is a wide and integrated set of life skills and abilities that function together within the autonomous individual. However, instead of focusing on sexual development (like Freud), he was interested in how children socialize and how this affects their sense of self.

Erikson’s (1959) theory of psychosocial development has eight distinct stages, taking in five stages up to the age of 18 years and three further stages beyond, well into adulthood. Erikson suggests that there is still plenty of room for continued growth and development throughout one’s life. Erikson puts a great deal of emphasis on the adolescent period, feeling it was a crucial stage for developing a person’s identity.

Like Freud, Erikson assumes that a crisis occurs at each stage of development. For Erikson (1963), these crises are of a psychosocial nature because they involve psychological needs of the individual (i.e. psycho) conflicting with the needs of society (i.e. social).

According to the theory, successful completion of each stage results in a healthy personality and the acquisition of basic virtues. Basic virtues are characteristic strengths which the ego can use to resolve subsequent crises. Failure to successfully complete a stage can result in a reduced ability to complete further stages and therefore a more unhealthy personality and sense of self. These stages, however, can be resolved successfully at a later time.

The eight key stages he described were:

Trust vs. Mistrust:This stage occurs between the ages of birth and 2 years and is centered on developing a sense of trust in caregivers and the world. Children who receive responsive care are able to develop the psychological quality of hope.

Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt:This stage takes place between the ages of 2 and 3 years and involves gaining a sense of independence and personal control. Success in this stage allows people to develop will and determination.

Initiative vs. Guilt:Between the ages of 3 and 6 years, children begin to explore their environment and exert more control over their choices. By successfully completing this stage, children are able to develop a sense of purpose.

Industry vs. Inferiority: The stage that takes place between the ages of about 5 and 11 years is focused on developing a sense of personal pride and accomplishment. Success at this point in development leads to a sense of competence.

Identity vs. Confusion: The teen years are a time of personal exploration. Those who are able to successfully forge a healthy identity develop a sense of fidelity. Those who do not complete this stage well may be left feeling confused about their role and place in life.

Intimacy vs. Isolation: The stage that takes place in early adulthood is all about forging healthy relationships with others. Success leads to the ability to form committed, lasting, and nurturing relationships with others.

Generativity vs. Stagnation: At the stage occurring during middle adulthood, people become concerned with contributing something to society and leaving their mark on the world. Raising a family and having a career are two key activities that contribute to success at this stage.

Integrity vs. Despair: The final stage of psycho-social development takes place in late adulthood and involves reflecting back on life. Those who look back and feel a sense of satisfaction develop a sense of integrity and wisdom, while those who are left with regrets may experience bitterness and despair.

 

Further Reading

Bee, H. L. (1992). The developing child. London: HarperCollins.
Erikson, E. H. (1950). Childhood and society. New York: Norton.
Erickson, E. (1958). Young man Luther: A study in psychoanalysis and history. New York: Norton.
Erikson, E. H. (Ed.). (1963). Youth: Change and challenge. Basic books.
Erikson, E. H. (1964). Insight and responsibility. New York: Norton.
Erikson, E. H. (1968). Identity: Youth and crisis. New York: Norton.
Erikson, E. H., Paul, I. H., Heider, F., & Gardner, R. W. (1959). Psychological issues (Vol. 1). International
Universities Press.

Change the World by Making Your Bed – by Admiral William McRaven

by

Admiral William McRaven, author of “Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life… And Maybe The World,” explains how making your bed every morning can have a positive impact on your well-being and behavior throughout the rest of the day.

McCraven, the commander of the U.S. Special Operations Command, relayed several lessons he has learned in 36 years as a Navy SEAL, starting with some advice that was music to the ears of exasperated mothers everywhere.

“If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day,” he said. “It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task, and another, and another. And by the end of the day that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed.

The human brain is wired to favor routine over novelty, even if that routine is unhealthy. A recent study published in the journal Neuron(link is external) found that habits and goals are stored differently in the human brain. Specifically, a region known as the orbitofrontal cortex is responsible for converting wishful goals into solid, automatic habits via the neural messengers known as endocannabinoids.

 

 

Change for the Better

by

The only prerequisites for successful change are a willingness to learn and make small incremental changes that will result in increased levels of resilience and an ability to deal with change that does not result in negative stress.

Change both inside and outside of the business world is becoming increasingly complex, fast-paced and ambiguous resulting in feelings of uncertainty, confusion and fear.

Our ability to deal effectively with the nature and pace of change is being tested daily and resulting in reduced resilience levels and increased negative stress. This is UNSUSTAINABLE.

When Dealing with Change and Building Resilience you should understand what’s going on in your brain when faced with unprecedented levels of challenge:-

  • move through the change process quicker
  • change your current perspectives about how you think about change
  • bounce back out of the dips of work and home life
  • return to thinking clearly and rationally regardless of the levels of pressure
  • make informed, balanced decisions and
  • problem-solve in a calm and considered state    

Explore at a deep level what good and bad stress is, the nature and origins of change from our earliest of times and how you can override our evolutionary instinctual reactions to be able to respond and tackle life and work challenges head-on – with a calm and considered demeanour.

The ability to stay cool under pressure is a critical element of being an effective corker, manager or leader. You need to role model the behaviours we expect in others and that includes understanding your emotions, your emotional responses and how to dampen down heightened emotions and respond calmly.

You should leverage leadership and management experience that deliver strategies that work, making lasting, sustainable behavioural and attitudinal change.

Focussing on the work to deepen knowledge and understanding accompanied by an appropriate and comprehensive set of reflection questions, should be the guiding light, with a vision that leaves your teams well directed with targets to deliver.

Attitude is Everything – Brian Shul – From Butterflies to Blackbirds

by

This video by Pilot/Author Brian Shul is an inspiration. Brian was born in Quantico, Virginia, in 1948. He graduated from East Carolina University in 1970 with a degree in History. That same year he joined the Air Force and attended pilot training at Reese AFB in Texas.

Brian served as a Foreign Air Advisor in the Viet Nam conflict, flying 212 close air support missions in conjunction with Air America. Near the end of all hostilities, his AT-28 aircraft was shot down near the Cambodian border. Unable to eject from the aircraft, Brian was forced to crash land into the jungle. Miraculously surviving, he was severely burned in the ensuing fireball. Crawling from the burning wreckage, he was finally found and rescued by a Special Forces team.

Watch his Story below

Thoughtfully shared with me by John H. Russell

Leadership is Different to Management

by

Leadership is very different to management, and yet it is easy to consider them both as the one in the same. Management, is ensure processes are followed, reports are completed and targets are achieved. Management by Objective.

Leadership is enabling your people , to be the best they can be, helping to work with pride, feeling valued and adding value.

Leadership has nothing to do with seniority or one’s position in the hierarchy of a company. Too many talk about a company’s leadership referring to the senior most executives in the organisation. They are just that, senior executives. Leadership doesn’t automatically happen when you reach a certain pay grade.

Leadership has nothing to do with personal attributes. Say the word “leader” and most people think of a domineering, take-charge charismatic individual. We often think of icons from history like Winston Churchill or President Lincoln. But leadership isn’t an adjective. We don’t need extroverted charismatic traits to practice leadership. And those with charisma don’t automatically lead.

Leadership to empower others to self-organise. Providing clear direction while allowing employees to organise their own time and work is an important leadership competency. No leader can do everything themselves. Therefore, it’s critical to distribute power throughout the organisation and to rely on decision making from those who are closest to the work.

Leadership is Fostering a sense of connection and belonging. “communicate often and openly” and “create a feeling of succeeding and failing together as a pack” build a strong foundation for connection. We are a social species — we want to connect and feel a sense of belonging. From an evolutionary perspective, attachment is important because it improves our chances of survival in a world full of predators.

Leadership is showing openness to new ideas and promoting organisational learning. they encourage learning; they don’t, they dont stifle it. Admitting you’re wrong isn’t easy, and the negative effects of stress on brain function are partly to blame — in this case they impede learning. To encourage learning among employees, you must first ensure that they are open to learning (and changing course) themselves.

Leadership is Nurturing growth. Think of the people to whom you’re most grateful — parents, teachers, friends, mentors. Chances are, they’ve cared for you or taught you something important. Showing a commitment to peoples growth, will enable employees to be motivated to reciprocate, expressing their gratitude or loyalty by going the extra mile. While managing through fear generates stress, which impairs higher brain function, the quality of work is vastly different when we are compelled by appreciation. If you want to inspire the best from your team, advocate for them, support their training and promotion, and go to bat to sponsor their important projects.

These seven areas present significant challenges to leaders due to the natural responses that are hardwired into us.

Deep self-reflection and a shift in perspective (perhaps aided by a coach), there are also enormous opportunities for improving everyone’s performance by focusing on our own.

Building Extraordinary Relationships

by

Professional success is important to everyone, but still, success in business and in life means different things to different people.

But one fact is universal: Real success, the kind that exists on multiple levels, is impossible without building great relationships. Real success is impossible unless you treat other people with kindness, regard, and respect.

What Steps? I hear you ask:-

Take the hit – A customer gets mad. A stakeholder complains about poor service. A mutual friend feels slighted. Sometimes, whatever the issue and regardless of who is actually at fault, some people step in and take the hit. They’re willing to accept the criticism or abuse because they know they can handle it–and they know that maybe, just maybe, the other person can’t.

Few acts are more selfless than taking the undeserved hit. And few acts better cement a relationship.

Step in without being asked It’s easy to help when you’re asked. Most people will. Very few people offer help before they have been asked, even though most of the time that is when a little help will make the greatest impact. People who build extraordinary relationships pay close attention so they can tell when others are struggling. Then they offer to help, but not in a general, “Is there something I can do to help you?” way.

Instead they come up with specific ways they can help. That way they can push past the reflexive, “No, I’m okay…” objections. And they can roll up their sleeves and make a difference in another person’s life. Not because they want to build a better relationship, although that is certainly the result, but simply because they care.

Answer the question that is not asked – Where relationships are concerned, face value is usually without value. Often people will ask a different question than the one they really want answered. A colleague might ask you whether he should teach a class at a local college; what he really wants to talk about is how to take his life in a different direction.

A partner might ask how you felt about the idea he presented during the last board meeting; what he really wants to talk about is his diminished role in the running of the company. An employee might ask how you built a successful business; instead of kissing up he might be looking for some advice–and encouragement–to help him follow his own dreams.

Behind many simple questions is often a larger question that goes unasked. People who build great relationships think about what lies underneath so they can answer that question, too.

Know when to Reign it In – Outgoing and charismatic people are usually a lot of fun… until they aren’t. When a major challenge pops up or a situation gets stressful, still, some people can’t stop “expressing their individuality.” (Admit it: You know at least one person so in love with his personality he can never Reign it back.)

People who build great relationships know when to have fun and when to be serious, when to be over the top and when to be invisible, and when to take charge and when to follow.

Great relationships are multifaceted and therefore require multifaceted people willing to adapt to the situation–and to the people in that situation.

Prove they think of others – People who build great relationships don’t just think about other people. They act on those thoughts. One easy way is to give unexpected praise. Everyone loves unexpected praise–it’s like getting flowers not because it’s Valentine’s Day, but “just because.” Praise helps others feel better about themselves and lets them know you’re thinking about them (which, if you think about it, is flattering in itself.)

Take a little time every day to do something nice for someone you know, not because you’re expected to but simply because you can. When you do, your relationships improve dramatically.

Realise when they have acted poorly – Most people apologise when their actions or words are called into question.

Very few people apologise before they are asked to, or even before anyone notices they should. Responsibility is a key building block of a great relationship. People who take the blame, who say they are sorry and explain why they are sorry, who don’t try to push any of the blame back on the other person–those are people everyone wants in their lives, because they instantly turn a mistake into a bump in the road rather than a permanent roadblock.

Give consistently, receive occasionally – A great relationship is mutually beneficial. In business terms that means connecting with people who can be mentors, who can share information, who can help create other connections; in short, that means going into a relationship wanting something.

The person who builds great relationships doesn’t think about what she wants; she starts by thinking about what she can give. She sees giving as the best way to establish a real relationship and a lasting connection. She approaches building relationships as if it’s all about the other person and not about her, and in the process builds relationships with people who follow the same approach.

In time they make real connections. And in time they make real friends.

Value the message by always valuing the messenger – When someone speaks from a position of power or authority or fame it’s tempting to place greater emphasis on their input, advice, and ideas.

We listen to Deming. We listen to Taiichi Ohno. We listen to Peter Senge, The guy who mows our lawn? Maybe we don’t listen to him so much. That’s unfortunate. Smart people strip away the framing that comes with the source–whether positive or negative–and consider the information, advice, or idea based solely on its merits.

People who build great relationships never automatically discount the message simply because they discount the messenger. They know good advice is good advice, regardless of where it comes from. And they know good people are good people, regardless of their perceived “status.”

Start small… and are happy to stay small – I sometimes wear a Newcastle Football Club shirt. At the supermarket the other, the checkout operator said, “Oh, you’re a Newcastle supporter? My team is Manchester United.”

I always engage in little interactions, and I said, “You think Man U can win the league this year?”

He gave me a huge smile and said, “Oh yeah. We’ll crush everyone!” (Too bad he will be wrong.)

Now whenever I see him he waves, often from across the store. I almost always walk over, say hi, and talk briefly about footy. That’s as far as our relationship is likely to go and that’s okay. For a couple of minutes we transcend the customer/employee relationship and become two people brightening each other’s day. And that’s enough, because every relationship, however minor and possibly fleeting, has value.

People who build great relationships treat every one of their relationships that way. (That’s a good lesson we all need to take to heart)